travel through time with photobooth photos.

imma take you on a trip courtesy of photobooth:

{photos range from 2007-2011 and are in order}

i think you can get a better sense of who i am from these photos buried on my computer then from anything.

and by that i mean: 1. i change my hair a lot and 2. i am funny and make weird faces.

also, if you can't tell from that last photo that elliot and i have the same eyes...then you need your eyes checcccked.

why i needed to have a son.

i'll be completely honest here,

when i found out i was pregnant,

i really wanted a girl.  like really.

my dreams were filled with frilly dresses and long braided hair,

of watching movies about disney princesses and reading books about alice.

i yearned for a daughter.

but there was a still small voice that told me, "no chelsey, you're having a son".

and sure enough, at 18 1/2 weeks pregnant we were told we were having a boy.

i was somewhat crushed. even though in my gut i knew i was carrying a boy, i still had hope that the ultrasound tech might tell me otherwise.

suddenly all my dreams were gone and i was stuck looking at the terribly small collection of baby boy clothes,

of thinking about boy scouts and football and things i was unfamiliar. 

i was ashamed that i felt disappointed and even a little depressed.

until i read that gender disappointment is a very common thing.

so i prayed and prayed about it,

and God opened up my heart to this little boy and my dreams soon filled themselves with the adventures we would have.

i grew up with a sister and a single mom,

i nannied for 2 1/2 years for girls.

it's all i have known and i have recently realized that i needed a son.

before i knew he existed, i had such expectations, such a strict way of parenting - that i planned for a girl.

i knew the things i liked that my mother did and the things i didn't.

i spent so much time parenting the girls i nannied and learned so much about how i wanted to parent my own children from that experience.

but i needed to be broken of that.

i needed to be disconnected from those experiences and realize that my baby was not those other babies.

and then elliot came.

and i couldn't imagine having a girl.

he is filled with wonder and love.

he is a happy baby.

every where we go people comment about "how he is just sitting there"

he's observant.

he's caring: if ryan and i play fight or wrestle he looks concerned and will yell and if we don't stop, cry.

he's smart.

he's patient, most times.

he's cuddly.

he likes trying and doing new things.

he's funny.

elliot came and softened my heart.

though i still stick to most of the parenting things i had planned to:

good nutrition, strict on sleeping/naps...etc.

there have been things i have done that i never planned, like co-sleeping.

and now that i have this boy,

i know i would be a better mother to a daughter than i would have if she came first.

i have new dreams and hopes for my future daughter.

but all i see are boys in our future.

though, i pray that i would be able to carry and birth a daughter,

 would be happy with either.

ryan and i have decided that our next child, we aren't going to find out the sex.

**boys are so wonderful**

it's been a little quiet around here.

as i so often do,

i am struggling with what i put out on the internet.

the other day, the three of us were just sitting around the apartment,

asking each other over and over about what we should do.

owen kept throwing up and i was going crazy.

we haven't had much money to explore the area nor do we really know what is around.

after a quick internet search, i wrote a note on a piece of paper and slipped it under the bedroom door for ryan {who was on the phone} to read:

santa cruz dog beach?

51 minute drive.

and within 10 minutes we were pulling out of our apartment complex.

we drove over the mountains to the pacific ocean and it was wonderful.

we walked along the cliffs overlooking the ocean until we found the beach.

dogs running everywhere.

the weather was perfect, just a little chilly but the sun was out.

owen ran along the shore, chased dogs, continually stole someone's frisbee and jumped in the water.

the waves were pretty big and we were both a little worried that owen would be bold and then be swept away into the ocean, never to be seen again.

and of course it almost happened, 

elliot and i were sitting on a log and ryan was down by the water...

owen was IN the water with his back facing the waves, 

a huge wave was coming and at the last minute owen jumped up in this awkward way and then body surfed to ryan.

i laughed pretty hard.

i had misplaced my phone so i didn't have it the whole day.

we walked around the boardwalk and then downtown, 

ate dinner at a little restaurant and drove back over the mountains to san jose during sunset, 

with a sleeping puppy and baby in the backseat.

i had left my phone in the stroller, which was in the trunk and when i finally got it i had 4 voicemails, 7 missed calls and 3 texts, oh and 8 new emails.

i was so overwhelmed by it and kind of annoyed that i didn't listen to any of the voicemails until today.

one time i almost deleted my facebook.

it was in july and i was sooo over it.

i also had a minor anxiety attack of how much of elliot is on the internet.

but i didn't delete it.

i still have it.

i did a major friend purge and i'm pretty sure i might be getting rid of the "wall" feature.

i tweeted today that i think social networking is the worst thing to ever happen to relationships...

or something like that.

so much life is missed by sitting on the internet, checking it on your phone, talking to family members who live in your house via comments...

i have been purposely leaving my phone lying around or not connecting to the internet to just be.

to take my time.

i haven't called people back because i honestly just forget.

elliot still naps about 3-4 times a day and i will only get on when he is asleep.

i spend his wakeful hours feeding him, reading to him, playing, strolling, singing.

he doesn't let me out of his sight anyway.

elliot has been going to bed around 6 which lets ryan and i have time to ourselves to cook and eat dinner together and then curl up and watch 4 episodes of breaking bad with ice cream...

the last thing i want to do is listen to my voicemails.

i hate voicemails.

this isn't a way of me telling you i'm kissing this blog goodbye,

because i'm not.

i love this blog.

i love the blog world.

and it's like...ehhh...therapy?

in other elliot news,

the kid just had a growth spurt for real...

nursing every 2 hours...yikes and no teeth yet.

he eats solids twice day and i usually mix organic brown rice cereal with some sort of fruit puree - like today he had the cereal with an apple and broccoli puree {all organic of course}. i also have a freezer filled with homemade purees of peas, green beans, sweet potatoes and apples with cinnamon.  the boy hates bananas and loves avocado.

he also drinks water from a normal cup.

usually without spilling.

and if he is on your lap and you suddenly decide to quench your thirst...

he will reach for your cup and try to grab it and pull it to his mouth.

OH and thanks to the advice from one of my readers,

elliot is now sleeping through his 1 am feeding.

well kind of, ryan has to put the paci back in his mouth but he goes right back to sleep and gets up at 430 to nurse.  PEOPLE, he goes to bed at 6...and then nurses at 4:30 and has been getting up around 7:15.

i'm in heaven.

however, i am in engorgement, rock solid boob hell at 4:30 am.

today i am thankful for...

elliot

my family

coffee

for God giving us this amazing opportunity in san jose

our health

perfect fall weather

nights when elliot only gets up once

laughter

time with my husband

photos

ikea

rest

and this photo:

sidenote: owen doesn't seem to be thankful as he is really acting out.  he got on our bed last night - which is not allowed - and this morning jumped on the counter to steal some cinnamon rolls.

daily life.

so elliot is going through his 6 month growth spurt...

which means no sleep for us,

cranky baby and lots of nursing.

he no successfully drinks water out of a grown up cup and he is getting better at eating solids.

and by better i mean less incidents of gagging due to the food getting stuck on the roof of his mouth.

the weather here is so nice and our apartment is in an area where we can walk to a park and get harassed by geese and ducks or walk down to a starbucks or simply sit outside our unit on the grass and let yellow leaves fall on us.

there is still so much for us to find.

i'm still looking for a little area where we can walk and shop and go to coffee shops, etc. but haven't found one yet.

there is a flea market down the street from us we need to stop by as well.

ryan has the rest of the week off so we will be making little gifts from elliot for our family and spend time outside and exploring.

{this time last year i was chomping at the bit to tell the world i was pregnant and the night before thanksgiving we told ryan's family, and on thanksgiving day i broke the news...}

nursing mama: barbara

This photo was taken almost 23 years ago, when i became a mother for the first time.  I am proud to say the little girl at my breast is no other than Chelsey, the originator of this blog.  Breastfeeding was difficult for me, but the La Leche League was a great support.  I am grateful that I was able to provide the nourishment for both my daughters.  The connection and intimacy between a mother and her child is something that cannot be expressed in words.  It is like you two are the only people existing in the world at that moment.  What I would give for that feeling again...

well, that's me and my mom.  this is a really special post and i am so glad my mom decided to participate and share it on here.

if you are/were a nursing mother and would like to share a photo and a few words please email me at: miss.chelsey.meyer@gmail.com

conversations with elliot.

this is who i had to talk to all day:

life in ca.

ryan left a few minutes ago for his first day of work,

elliot is taking an earlier than normal nap,

and the apartment is quiet and i'm finally enjoying my cup of coffee.

we are definitely still adjusting to life here in california...

yesterday it took foreverrr to open a new bank account {oh how we miss our local bank in nashville},

but i think we like it here...

here is what we have found:

~ the weather is perfect.  you can wear anything and be comfortable: light cardigan, t shirt, sweats, etc.  it is the perfect fall temperature all day and gets colder at night, we turn elliot's heat on in the middle of the night and turn the rest of the rooms for 15 minutes in the morning and then spend the rest of the day with all the windows open.

~ no one says "hi" or "good morning"

~ drivers are very aggressive and the freeway system in san jose is kind of crazy.

~ it take 15 minutes to get anywhere.

~ i can sit on the grass with elliot and not worry about life ending spiders or crazy blood sucking bugs.

~ we live walking distance from two big parks with lakes and ducks and a library. {elliot and i walked to the library yesterday to see it was closed? and fenced off...womp womp}.

~ there is one whole foods market here and it's an older one and has a more natural foods store feel rather than a big store feel like the two in nashville.

~ trader joes are every where.

~ oh and we have an ikea.

~ there are lots of babywearing mommies.

~ not everyone is Christian: here is an article on the new church plant we have gone to the last two sundays, i'm referring to the comment section.

other than that,

we have really enjoyed the last few weeks to be together as a family.

it seems elliot has finally gotten on a consistent schedule:

1st nap: 830 solids: 11 2nd nap: 1230 usually a 2 hour one and sometimes a shorter nap around 3 and then he is in bed by 6 and nurses for 10 minutes around 1230 and 4 and then up at 630.

as far as still adjusting, we still need to get a tv, book shelf and all of our bedroom furniture.

oh and the movers damaged most all of our furniture so we are still waiting for someone to come out and look at it so we can be compensated.